Gundam Pizza: When Violence Counterattacks
by Reka
Summary: I mean this to be a series, so this is Episode One. Sadly, I don't think some of you would understand humor if it ran up and slapped you in the face... Please note that this is HUMOR, if you don't like reading fanfics that are strange, don't read this. Hu


Narrator: Twice as many generations ago, with a great dream for the future... humankind departed from planet earth, seeking a life on space colonies. But as time went by, the Moon Federation brought the colonies under its control... one after another using its overwhelming military power in the name of peace and justice. After After Colony, Year 195... The beginning of Plan B... It was a secret plan by a few colonies which tried to stand against the Federation. The plan was to secretly smuggle specially camouflaged combat weapons onto the earth. However, the plan had been detected by Federation leaders... 

Episode 1: WHEN VIOLENCE COUNTERATTACKS   
by Reka 

A ship in space>   
Some Nameless Guy: Between Point A-B and Y-Z...   
SAME GUY: The, um, THINGS will reach the earth's atmosphere in 600 seconds.   
STRANGE GIRL: Five, right?   
Some Nameless Guy: How'd YOU know? You're not the all-powerful Lt. Xesi!   
Some Nameless Guy: Right. The radar reports five metal objects approaching earth.   
Strange girl: Tell Lt. Xesi, anyway.   
Strange girl: I hope they're pieces of some space junk or whatever. *giggles*   
Some Nameless Guy: Um, ok!   
another ship>   
Nameless and Mindless Extra: Lt. Xesi, five things look like they're heading to earth. The colonies tried sneaking Gundams to earth like this before--   
Lt. Xesi: Yes, they're, like, all Gundams.   
Lt. Xesi: History, like, repeats itself.   
Lt. Xesi: Yea. This must be the, like, colonies' Plan B.   
Lt. Xesi: How many of those things can our cool heat-sensing thing locate?   
N+M: One, I think. I can't see all the radar screen under all your smiley face stickers.   
Lt. Xesi: I thought that was, like, a good place to put them. Let's track that THING! *giggles*   
Lt. Xesi: We're, like, SPECIALS, remember?   
N+M: YUP!   
Lt. Xesi: As I always say... I'm just a girl... *bursts into song*   
Lt Xesi: A commercial shuttle...? COOL!   
on the shuttle>   
Flight Attendent: Ms. Darlian, this shuttle will re-enter the earth momentarily. *runs off giggling about how handsome Ms. Darlian's son is*   
Ms. Darlian: What's wrong my little sweetie-pie? You don't want to go back to earth?   
Rei: No, I don't wanna. The earth is boring. Breeds too many mindless teenage girls. And don't call me sweetie-pie.   
Ms. Darlian: Well... okay sweetie-pie.   
Rei: Moooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmm!!!!!!   
Rei: Mom? What is THAT?   
back on the Hippie Ship>   
Computer: The target's relative speed: 01545.   
N+M: One of the things?   
N+M: I see it. I'll put it on your super-duper smiley-face covered screen.   
Lt. Xesi: This little, like, egg came from the colonies. But once I'm through with them, like, there won't be any colony to go back to... *giggles*   
N+M Plan B?   
N+M2: There's a shuttle. Good thing we're here to keep the peace.   
N+M: Do you think...?   
Lt Xesi: That ship knows we're, like, behind him. There's,like, no way it'll attack the shuttle.   
Lt. Xesi: This is, like, a secret plan. Shhhh! *the ship falls quiet*   
Inside the egg. I guess you could call Hidoi the yolk>   
Hidoi: The Feds... They see me...   
Hidoi: So...   
back>   
N+M3: We're also heading through Earth's atmosphere.   
Hidoi: The earth... YAY! I did it!   
N+M2: The ship is changing its course.   
N+M: That's suicidal!   
N+M2: Burning the ship up for the sake of the mission? Sounds like the legendary Perfect Solder.   
N+M3 But the thing is going faster, trying to get away!   
N+M: That's impossible! Ships can't endure that speed AND the heat!   
Lt. Xesi: It, like, could. Advanced technology, like, rules! *gives the peace sign while the N+Ms sweatdrop*   
N+M3: Plan B?   
N+M: Lt. Xesi...?   
Lt. Xesi: The secret weapon! Shhhh! *the crew hushes*   
Lt. Xesi: Ack! IT HAS NO SMILEY FACES ON IT!!!!!   
N+M2: We can attack now!.   
Lt. Xesi: Once we capture it... I'm sticking flowers and peace signs ALL OVER IT!! Just shoot it down!   
N+M3: Peace, love, and guns?!   
In the secret weapon>   
Hidoi I am NOT running away!   
Hidoi: A carrier. So if I go down now, I won't go without a fight! *chuckles evilly* I sound like Instuctor M.   
back>   
N+M: I'm shooting it down!   
N+M2: Lt. Xesi, the thing changed its course and it's coming!   
Lt. Xesi: Is my, like, suit ready?   
N+M3: Aries are much faster, cooler, and they're made for air battle.   
Lt. Xesi: Do they, like, have smiley faces on them?   
N+M3: No.   
Lt. Xesi: No thanks. *waves him off*   
=========   
In the weapon hanging with Hidoi>   
Hidoi: What? Above me? *sees Lt. Xesi's hippie Leo fire* WHAT?! A... a problem? Left engine?   
back>   
N+M: Totally cool, Lt. Xesi!!   
Lt. Xesi: Is that, like, it?   
N+M3: Should we...?   
Lt. Xesi: Don't touch it. I want it to, like, fall!   
==========   
*the secret weapon turns into a big mobile suit*   
N+M2: What the...? A mobile suit?   
N+M3: Lt. Xesi, do you know what kinda suit that is?   
Lt. Xesi: All I know is it's SMILEY FACE FREE!   
Lt. Xesi: People besides us can build cool mobile suits?   
N+M: Hippie Xesi, let us shoot it down.   
Lt. Xesi: Like, ok!   
Lt: Xesi: It's cool... but NO SMILEY FACES!!!!!   
N+M3: It's turning!   
N+M2: Who cares?? SHOOT IT DOWN!!!   
A camera in Hidoi's secret weapon shows this>   
Hidoi: One more!   
back>   
Lt. Xesi: Two... one shot... that's, like, INTERESTING!   
N+M: Lt. Xesi? Are you totally ok?   
Lt. Xesi: TOTALLY!   
N+M2: The data from the fight paired with common sense says it has to be made of Gundanium alloy.   
N+M3: Anyone inside that thing would die after hitting the water...   
N+M: Lt. Xesi, the Fed Marine is asking permission to search for the suit.   
Lt. Xesi: Tell them the suit, like, sunk around point F-R-Y in West Asia.   
N+M: Um, ok!   
A spaceairport thingy>   
News Guy: Ms. Darlian, what did you discuss at the Colonial Speakers this time? What is the Colonies' demands on the Federation? Give us a comment, Ms. Vice Minister.   
News people1: Everyone is anxious to know if they will declare war on earth.   
NP2: Please tell us something, Ms. Darlian!   
Fed Person1: Welcome back, Ms. Darlian.   
FP2: A car from the Defence Department is waiting outside. Please follow us.   
Ms. Darlian: Now? I have to prepare a birthday party for my little sweetie-pie this evening.   
Rei: *gives Ms. Darlian the Death Glare*   
FP23: We have another car for your, um, sweetie-pie too.   
Rei: *gives Fed Person23 the Death Glare with the other eye*   
Rei: I can WALK, dammit!   
FP23: Let's, uh, *sweatdrops under Rei's Death Glare* go then. General Heehoo is anxious to see you.   
The BEACH!>   
Rei: Stupid moms... I'd run away... if I wanted to lose all those gifts you buy with your unlimited cash.   
Rei: Huh? A girl?   
Rei: A spacesuit... a soldier? A GIRL SOLDIER? Cool! I've never met a girl who wasn't mindless and teenage!   
Rei: I'd better get an ambulance so she can knock out the windows, the doctors, and speed away!   
Seki and Xesi talking somewhere over their laptop thingys>   
Seki Onigiri: You, like, lost three, like, Mobile Suits?   
Lt. Xesi: Um, yea.   
Seki:Like, WHY?!   
Seki: It'll be hard to, like, make up excuses...   
Lt. Xesi: Data and, like, common sense say, like, that the enemy, like, was made of, like, gundanium alloy.   
Seki: Huh?   
Lt. Xesi: If it was, like, built on, like, a colony...   
Seki: If we were, like, with OF since, like, way back when...   
Seki: ...it probably would, like, never have happened.   
Lt. Xesi: Y'think it's, like, a gundam?   
Seki: What else could that, like, THING be?   
Lt. Xesi: The, like, Fed Marine's, like, looking for it...   
Seki: I'll, like, tell 'em, like, we'll do it.   
Seki: And I'll, like, send a, like, SPECIAL underwater, like, mobile suit. You're, like, in charge. Like, ok?   
Lt. Xesi: Yes, like, Your Hippieness.   
Seki: *mutters* Ditz.   
A meeting somewhere>   
Seki: Sorry I'm late.   
FP45: Colonial Seki Onigiri, did one of your lieutenants...   
FP45: .. lose 3 'Suits re-entering earth?   
Seki: Um, yeah.   
FP96: Why? Our precious mobile suits...!   
Seki: We got the enemy...   
FP74: *snaps* I DON'T CARE!   
Seki: And?   
FP74: Leave!   
FP21: *holds FP74's arms before the hothead can get his gun* Be... More... Careful... *While holding FP74*   
Seki: Um... ok!   
FP89: Now, let's move to todays agenda:How to prevent the colonies from forming an Alliance...   
That beach thingy>   
Rei: An ambulance is coming so you can knock out the windows, the doctors and drive away.   
Hidoi: Thanks. I'll contact you again... to see what side you're on.   
Rei: I... I don't know what side I'm on, but I hope it's yours! *winks at Hidoi*   
Doctor1: Hey, in here!   
D2: Hurry, this way! *Hidoi runs up the stairs and kicks the doctors 1, 2, and 3 off the steps*   
Rei: COOL!!!!!   
Rei: See ya! I'm Rei Darlian.   
Hidoi: Later!   
A port somewhere>   
Who Knows Who: What the...?! Enemy attack?   
}KA-BOOM!{   
Hanashi: This is Hanashi. Primary mission completed.   
Hanashi: But I still just wanna fight a little longer!   
A port somewhere else>   
WNW2: This is the Space Port. We're under attack!   
WKW3: A surprise attack? Who the hell is it?   
WNK2: I have no idea.   
}KA-BOOM!{   
Heeki: *laptop beside her says her thoughts in a wierd monotone voice* Well, now that they've seen me... I have no choice.   
Heeki: Now I have to destroy you all.   
Heeki: Battle record: No. 001. Recorder... let's just say Heeki now.   
Some desert place. For all I know, it's the Sahara>   
WKW443: This is where the enemy fell?   
WKW443: I don't see anything.   
WKW543: Huh? Enemy attack!   
WKW3232: A... a trap!   
Yowai: I don't want to hurt you. Please just surrender....   
Commander: Fire! NOW!   
}KA-BOOM!{   
Yowai: This is Yowai. The Commander is dead...   
Yowai: *lifts goggles off face* Why didn't you surrender?!   
Onnarashii: I'm Onnarashii. I don't hide, run away, or anything cowardly.   
Onnarashii: YOU'RE ALL MEN!!!!   
Lt Xesi: Like, where's the Fed Marine?   
N+M: Two hours, ma'am.   
Lt. Xesi: Like, WHAT?   
N+M: It's the OCEAN, remember...   
Lt: Xesi: Like, I also have someting neato. *hands N+M a picture completly covered by smiley face stickers*   
N+M: Um... *sweatdrops* Your sticker collection?   
Lt. Xesi: Like, like it?   
N+M: WHAT IS IT, anyway?   
Lt. Xesi: HOW... DARE YOU!! *whips out a gun and kills N+M* My collection. *hugs the bloody picture torn out of N+M's dead hands*   
In the yard thingy at school>   
Weird Rei-Worshipper1:I wish Rei was around for the first day of the semester.   
WRW2: He just got home yesterday. Give him a break.   
WRW3: I wish *I* went to space.   
WRW4: All you need is cash!   
WRW5: Tomorrow is Rei's birthday.   
WRW6: Oh yeah! I wonder who was invited this year?   
*Rei enters*   
WRW7: Rei... *drools*   
Rei: Um, *sweatdrops, seeing the drool* H-hi, everybody.   
At School>   
Teacher: Good morning. *walks in with a calm, indifferent Hidoi*   
Rei: That's her. The soldier girl.   
Teacher:SHUT UP!!!!!! *everyone stops talking*   
Teacher: Now, I would like to introduce you all to a new student.   
Hidoi: Hidoi Hageki. Nice to meet you.   
Rei: Hidoi Hangeki? That's her name?   
Teacher: Hidoi, please sit next to Rei.   
Hidoi: *eyes dart up to where Rei is, and lets her eyes warm a little (or did they just glaze over?) before looking down*   
Teacher If you have a question, feel free to ask him.   
Teacher: Class time!   
Rei: Hello, Hidoi.   
Hidoi: *quietly* You know it all, don't you?   
In the yard thingy>   
WRW8: Uhmm, Rei...   
Rei: Here, Hidoi.   
Rei: My birthday is tomorrow. Please try to come...   
Hidoi: *rips the invite in half*   
Rei: What? H...hidoi?   
Hidoi: I will kill you.   
Rei: What the HELL?!   
-To Be Continued- 


End file.
